What's your Love Language?
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What's your Love Language?

Do you ever feel like your needs aren’t being met or that your partner doesn’t really love you? It’s also possible that the reverse is the issue - your partner seems dissatisfied, and you can’t get them to understand just how much you love them.

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Do you ever feel like your needs aren’t being met or that your partner doesn’t really love you? It’s also possible that the reverse is the issue - your partner seems dissatisfied, and you can’t get them to understand just how much you love them.  

It’s very possible that the core problem is a love language miscommunication.  

Your love language is at the core of who you are as a lover and as a friend. It’s the main language through which you understand love, and if your partner doesn’t “speak” it, it’ll be very hard for you to feel happy and fulfilled in your relationship.

In this guide, we’ll explain what the 5 main love languages are. Then, we’ll help you figure out what your love language is. This way, you’ll understand yourself more fully and have better relationships.

What is a love language?

A love language is the main way that you express love or understand that you are loved. Different people express their love differently, and often (though not always) the way we express love also hints at how we understand that others love us.

One person may feel loved when their partner gives them a gift, while another one might feel loved when their partner tells them “I love you.”

The concept of love languages was invented by Gary Chapman, an author, and pastor with a PhD in philosophy. He explains that if you’re in a relationship with someone who doesn’t use your love language, you won’t feel loved.

Understanding your own love language, as well as the love language of your lovers, friends, and family members, is very important. It’ll allow you to cultivate healthier, more loving relationships, whether romantic or platonic.

The 5 Love Languages

Chapman identified 5 love languages. Here are quick summaries of each one:

  • Words of affirmation are all about showing love with words. It can be as simple as “I love you” or “I’m proud of you,” but other compliments also count.
  • Quality time, which is all about paying attention to one another while spending time together. It can be a conversation, a walk, or an activity. Disconnected activities like watching TV don’t count.
  • Receiving gifts is about little tokens of love. It’s not a greedy love language, since the price or size of the gift doesn’t need to matter. It’s more about the experience of receiving a gift and knowing your partner thought about you when purchasing it.
  • Physical touch is about showing love through both intimacy and casual touch. It doesn’t have to be sexual and can include hugging, kissing, hand-holding, and even just touching one’s partner on the arm or shoulder.
  • Acts of service are when your partner goes out of their way to help you or to do something for you. It can encompass a wide range of things, from cooking a meal to fixing your car to helping you with your homework.

Your love language is words of affirmation if...

Are words and sentiments the secret to your heart? You’ll know that’s the case if any of the following apply to you:

  • You need your partner to tell you they love you
  • You enjoy receiving compliments and take them seriously
  • You have a very hard time with insults or criticism
  • You feel unloved when your partner doesn’t tell you they love you or give you compliments
  • When you give a compliment, you really mean it
  • You don’t have a problem giving compliments or saying “I love you” to the important people in your life

Your love language is quality time if...

Meaningful interactions and joined activities can be a very deep way of forging a connection. If this is your love language, the following will apply to you:

  • You cherish the time you spend with your loved ones
  • You look forward the most to plans that involve interaction with your loved ones
  • You feel lonely if you don’t get to spend time with your partner
  • You feel the most seen when having a conversation with someone
  • You notice when there’s a lack of eye contact
  • It hurts when someone interrupts you or ignores you

Your love language is receiving gifts if...

Loving gifts isn’t about greed - it’s about knowing that your special person thought about you when you were apart. Here are the sure signs that receiving gifts is your love language!

  • You deeply appreciate receiving gifts
  • It’s hurtful when someone forgets to give you a gift on your birthday or during gift-giving holidays
  • You go all out with gifts during special times of year
  • You give little gifts as “just because” or when you see something you know your loved one will like

Your love language is physical touch if...

For some, intimacy is forged through touches big and small. These are the signs that this is your love language:

  • You feel closest to your loved ones when you touch them
  • You love cuddles, hand-holding, and other forms of physical contact
  • When you’re upset, a hug is one of the best ways to comfort you
  • If you don’t touch anyone for a long time, you may feel a little starved

Your love language is acts of service if...

You may feel most loved when others do things for you. Here are the signs that acts of service are your love language:

  • You notice when people do things for you
  • To you, actions speak louder than words
  • You find it touching when a person you love goes out of their way to help you
  • It feels hurtful when your partner neglects their chores
  • You think it’s more meaningful to make gifts than to buy them

Speak the language

Knowing your love language is an important element of self-awareness. Beyond just knowing what your love language is, though, you also need to be able to communicate it to the people who matter to you!

Finally, to have a healthy relationship, you need to know what your partner’s love language is. If you keep giving them gifts when what they really need is a hug, you might unintentionally be making them feel unloved.

After reading this guide, send it to the people you love! Let them know your love language, and ask them about theirs. You might be surprised to learn what love means to them and that perhaps you’ve been miscommunicating all this time.

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